Sorry that this is a or two day late, Tumblr crashed on me after I’d written the entire thing and I had to go and rewrite it. Not fun at all.
**SPOILER WARNING** As before if you haven’t seen Voyager S1 E6 Eye of the Needle go watch it before reading this as we get spoilerific.
We open on the news that Kim, for the first time ever, has been useful and found a possible wormhole that might lead to the Alpha Quadrant.
“And here Captain is the bit where I earn my keep.”
There’s some technobabble and everyone gets a little bit too excited since they might be able to get the ship through. However they’ve forgotten that this is Ensign Useless’s discovery. We go to the titles.
We’re back on the bridge at the wormhole, since Janeway decided to take yet another detour towards it. This is what it looks like:
Can you tell what it is yet?
Turns out this amazing wormhole of awesomeness is tiny. Kim says it’s virtually microscopic at 30cm in diameter, proving that his understanding of English is flawed. Obviously 30cm is too small for a dirty great ship to go through but Tuvok suggests that they might be able to get messages through. Notice there are a lot of possibilities here. They launch a microprobe into the wormhole to see where it goes.
Dorothy’s worst nightmare…
According to technobabble, the wormhole is collapsing and the probe gets stuck. It’ll take 72 hours for the probe to be destroyed, creating a ticking clock to try and get an idea of where the hell it goes.
We cut to Sick Bay for our B plot for this episode.
“Does it hurt when I do this?”
The Doctor is giving Kes some key on the job training while the Lieutenant here acts like a complete dickhead, ignoring the Doc and speaking only to Kes. Naturally this upsets Kes but the Doctor only comments that he’s used to being treated like an object and gives Kes some materials on human anatomy. We cut to the meeting room.
What you can’t see is that Paris is naked off camera.
Apparently someone’s interested in the probe and there is much technobabble. The gruesome twosome above seem to think they can use the probe to relay a message and rush to engineering to do it. We get some background on Kim who is once again shown to be a mummy’s boy with an Oedipus complex while Torres reveals she has no friends. They send a test signal and wait for a response which comes about 2 minutes later. It originates in the Alpha Quadrant. Fade to black.
Janeway’s sidejob as a waitress was going surprisingly well.
Kes comes to see the Captain to talk about the Doctor and the fact that most people treat him like a four day old case of clap. Janeway, showing her normal level of sensitivity, goes on about how he’s only a hologram and that they want to reprogram him. Kes points out that he’s self aware, can learn and should be treated with respect which brings on Janeway’s thinking face.
She’s like Winnie the Pooh only without the honey.
Back to Kim and Torres now and they’re working on sending a voice message. It works after a few tweaks and Janeway gets to argue about whether they’re really in the Delta Quadrant. Tuvok figures out that it was a Romulan science vessel on the line and that they’re paranoid about Federation spies. Janeway then orders Kim to spam the voice messages until the Romulan answers.
“You did WHAT with Ensign Kim?!”
Her casual harassment of an alien now in progress, Janeway decides to talk to the Doctor about his status as a member of her crew. She offers to help him by letting him be in control of his deactivation sequence. This made me go “awwww” cause it seemed like the Doctor was genuinely touched. We cut to Janeway’s quarters.
“My silky pjs make me feel damn sexy…”
Janeway talks to the Romulan in her nightie and explains they’re not spies but he still doesn’t trust them so she asks him to relay messages to their friends and family. He asks to establish a video link so they can better negotiate. The Rommy’s able to get the visual link working and he looks AMAZING:
“I don’t need silk to be sexy, bitch.”
Janeway and the Romulan shoot the shit and it turns out he’s not familiar with the ship which is odd since we all know the Tal Shiar know EVERYTHING. Anyway Janeway gets him to sympathize with Voyager’s plight and he decides to try and help. Possibly because Janeway gets really close to the camera.
Bitch, get your face away from me!
Torres comes in, demands to speak to the Captain in private and reveals she thinks she can transport people to the Romulan using the probe. There’s excited quick talking and we cut back to sickbay.
Kes has finished her anatomy work and wants to see and autopsy (EW). This makes the Doctor do this face:
“I’m incredibly aroused right now”
Turns out once again everyone’s forgotten to let the Doc know what’s going on. Kes tells him they might be able to beam off. The Doctor then informs her that he won’t be able to leave the ship and this upsets the both of them. The Doc then asks Kes to make sure he’s deactivated if they do leave.
On the bridge they’re testing the transport and it works!
“Romulan dildos come in an odd variety of shapes”
Janeway wants to beam a member of the crew to him but he points out that the Romulan Senate would never allow that so he suggests beaming him across. They beam him over and we fade to black.
Romulan fashions are always amazing.
He’s amazed by the ship and Tuvok actually gives the reason why: The Romulan’s from 20 years in the past.
Back to the meeting room and Torres says that if they were to transport they’d end up 20 years in the past. Kim, because he has a massive Oedipus complex, says “why the hell not, let’s do it!” but Janeway points out that they’d bugger up the timeline. The Romulan suggests that he tell Starfleet in 20 years not to launch their mission but this time Chakotay gets to say “No cause that’d bugger up the timeline”. They go back to their original plan and the Romulan, who gives his name as Remor, agrees to pass on their messages.
“Remember me for my sexiness”
They beam him back with messages and once again Tuvok gets to be the bearer of bad news: Remor died four years before Voyager left DS9. This upsets Janeway.
“Guess it’s back to killing the crew for my own amusement again.”
We cut back to sick bay and the same guy that was being rude to the Doctor earlier is being rude to him again but this time our hero mans up, basically telling him to STFU. The Doctor explains to Kes that he needs to think of himself as a member of the crew before finally making one more request of her.
He would like a name.
First things first: NO NEELIX IN THIS EPISODE! Not one instance of his annoying face which immediately brings this episode to above average for Voyager. Add in the fact we get Romulans, the Doctor’s growing story arc and you get a decent episode. However the big reset button is pushed and that’s a problem.
Anyway sorry if this post is rushed, as explained Tumblr’s been a pain in the neck to me for two days. Tomorrow should see me watching Ex Post Facto in which Paris is accused of murder. It’s a bit of a high concept episode so could be a long review. Till then folks, live long and prosper.